I read an AMAZING article that describes “what does it mean to love yourself…”. It’s a great reminder that self-love is a FOUNDATION for EVERY relationship. CLICK HERE to read the full article and please share your thoughts.
Recently, I relapsed and overdosed on SHAME, DOUBT, Self-CRITICISM. At times, I tried to stop the thoughts and feelings of inadequacy from overflowing, but, it overpowered me and left me defeated. This internal tug of war began to play on my Psyche as I slowly began to entertain the idea (s) that maybe “I’m unlovable”, “will I truly become successful? or fulfill my dreams?” ,“maybe, I should just give up”, and etc. In that TEMPORARY moment of despair, it’s was easy to get tangled up in fear that dimmed my personal outlook on life. Which can seem like there’s no hope, perpetual feelings of emptiness, or nagging thoughts of “ I’m not enough”.
Thankfully, a little still voice snapped me out of my “train of thought”. I’m grateful for “random” encouraging texts/emails, social media posts, laughter of a child, unexpected surprises, and music as a friendly reminder of who I AM!
Sometimes, series of disappointments or seemingly rejections has the potential to make the heart grow weary, if you allow it. When you are in the right head space, one can see “failure” as an opportunity for growth. Sometimes, certain shake ups or abrupt changes occur to get your ATTENTION to WAKE UP! RUDE AWAKENINGS can seem really scary in the moment and is an indication for CHANGE. YOU may be being nudged to move out of your comfort zone to EXPAND🕊, to grow 🌱DEEPER, and EVOLVE in L💗VE. TRANSFORMATION is a prerequisite for GROWTH. Your natural tendency is to resist & the fear of change can make you feel like your W🌎RLD is falling apart, when actually, it can be falling into place.
During my relapse, I was only seeing things ONE way, however, I learned a deeper meaning. When I remembered who "I AM", it SHIFTED my perspective. Though, my immediate circumstance didn’t change, I gained a different meaning to my of my situation.
Overall lesson, when you feel triggered (emotional), it’s your unconscious mind trying to get your attention. It wants you to become aware of something. Possibly an old pattern that is no longer serving you.
✨To recover from a emotional relapse, allow yourself to feel your feelings (don’t stay there too long)
✨ Explore/Assess it those thoughts and feelings are true about you
✨ Change your story
1) Expect The Unexpected
“It’s better to be prepared for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be prepared” ~Whitney M Young
My whirlwind weekend began with a simple phone conversation with a close friend of mine. This opportunity came about from seconds of hanging up the phone when I asked “what are you doing next weekend, are you working?”. My friend asked if I was available to help with her event in Oakland,CA and I said “Yes, I’m available!”. The next thing you know, the following weekend I’m on the plane to California to support my friend,connecting with AMAZING women, deepening my friendship bond, and enjoying the San Francisco scenery.
The moral of this experience is, when opportunity knocks open the door. If the opportunity that is presented to you feels right, don’t get too caught up in the “HOW”. Also, don’t be afraid to say YES to yourself.
2) Residue of Self-Sabotage…Exposing My Hidden Blind Spots
This is where I experienced most of my “aha” moments. When you have supportive friends in your life, they will tell you the TRUTH with tough love (in my case). Not the “harsh truth”, just enough fire underyour tail to wake you up a bit. My friend and I had a great deep discussion, and realized certain aspects of myself risen to the surface– residues of self-sabotage. In that moment she helped me to become aware of my blind spots. Especially, in the area of how approach my business. Though I’ve made progress and growth in this area. At times, I’m still playing small, not honoring my worth, and drowning out my own voice through the voices of others.
It’s great to have supportive people in your life who want to see you grow and prosper. They are not afraid to give you “though love” when necessary, which, can cause inspired actions to help you move forward.
3) Be PRESENT… Go With The Flow
This was one of the major lessons that I learned from the time I arrived to San Francisco till my departure. Literally, from beginning to end this was my underlying message. When I landed at San Francisco airport, “MY PLAN” was to meet up with a good friend (Atlanta) of mine who lives in Oakland, before heading to the hotel. Due to time restraints we had to rearrange our plans to possibly reconnect before my short visit.
I called Uber to pick me up from the airport (SFO) to Oakland, when I got in the car, the driver stated he doesn’t go to Oakland. He cancelled my trip, due to rush hour traffic on the bridge would take about over an hour to CROSS over the bridge. I called my other friend (hosting event) to inform her that I’ll stay in San Francisco and meet at the book tour. She got us tickets for Danielle LaPorte book tour ( Hot White Truth). Then afterwards, we took pictures with the author,autographed our books, and tried Brumese food for first time.
Overall, my only “agenda” I had was get on the plane to California, go to book tour Friday evening, help at friend’s event on Saturday and anything goes from there. The funny thing, my last day in San Francisco, I got up EXTRA EARLY to leave the hotel by 6:30am. I called an Uber driver that was estimated to arrive around 11 minutes, then it turned int 15 mins, then it turned into another 15 mins and then FINALLY! The driver was arriving 3 mins away, then I received a message that driver CANCELLED my trip and charged me! What!!!! I tried not to be pissed, but, the good thing was that my flight didn’t leave till 10:45am. Thankfully, I was way ahead of schedule. Fortunately, I got another Uber driver that was already in the area less than 5 minutes and was a pleasant experience.
Moral of this experience is just go with flow, be present and live in the moment. No need to get bogged down by the past or caught up in the future, because, it can steal the valuable moment of the present.
4) Time Out, To Tune In
This whirlwind trip shook up my mundane routine that I needed. My time in San Francisco was a great balance of work and play. It was great time for self-reflection to shed light on my current circumstance that shifted my perspective. As a result, I gained deeper insights, clarity, and plans of taking inspired actions.
Sometimes you need to shake up your mundane routine and get out of your comfort zone. You gain valuable insights that can provide a different perspective or result. Make sure that you schedule some time for self-care to unplug. It’s important to take time out, to tune in.
5) Getting Clarity
The overall outcome of this whirlwind expedition lead me to CLARITY! I felt this experience was a sneak peek of my upcoming summer retreat. This is possibly a taste of the few women can experience on this “island getaway” to get the necessary clarity they need.
If you feel stuck or stagnant implement number 4 on this list. Once you receive the clarity, make sure to take the inspired action (s) that will create a SHIFT within yourself.
To Learn More About My Upcoming Summer Retreat…
Join Me On The Call: On Saturday, June 24, 2017 at 9am (HST); 12pm (PST); 3pm (EST)
Sign up here 👉🏾bit.ly/Islandgetawaycall
Join Me In Jamaica 🇯🇲👉🏾bit.ly/selfloveretreat2017
When you believe that you are lacking in some area in your life, you have the propensity to overcompensate. Oftentimes, the feelings of inadequacy or a lack self-confidence are the culprits of making you feel that you are not enough. As a result, you may not feel competent of carrying out the work or mission that you are EQUIPPED to do. You may “over do it” to prove that you are worthy, great, or “I am enough”. I am here to REMIND YOU that are ALREADY ENOUGH, better yet, YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH! You don’t need to bend over backwards on a consistent basis to prove your WORTH to people, especially, if they don’t honor or value you. It can be so DRAINING 😫(e.g. emotionally, mentally, and etc.) that can exacerbate burnout. You don’t need to rely on external validations to showcase your GREATNESS. You maybe tempted to over give, overwork, or over share to be accepted/loved to prove to someone else that you are worthy to be LOVED. This relates to ALL spectrums of relationships (i.e. family, work, business, friends, and etc.). Please don’t confuse or get it twisted that I don’t value or encourage you to put your best efforts. I’m more concerned about the INTENTION/MOTIVATION behind the ACTION that you are displaying. Under what guise are you operating from🤔? Is it from a place of FEAR 😁or LOVE😍? Think about your INTENTIONS behind your ACTIONS to assess your self-worth.
Know that you enough, even if you feel like you should “do” more to fully accept yourself. Cut yourself some slack and stop 🚫being hard on yourself ( beating up yourself) of having to be “perfect”🙄. It’s about PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION! It’s time to learn how to L💖VE and accept yourself as is. Then you can release any self-judgement to move freely and allow change to take place in your life with little or no resistance. Remember to TRUST THE PROCESS of the changes or desired outcomes you want to experience. Just BE, YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH!
Are there times that you have dimmed your Light, because, you were afraid that you would outshine others? Whether it relates to your education,career, great idea, newfound success, new love relationship, and etc. You may have downplayed your enthusiasm when you experienced something great or experiencing it. Because, you maybe afraid how others may receive your success, accomplishment, or passion when you share it with them. As a recovering people pleaser, I’ve dimmed my own Light on numerous occasions to accommodate other’s expectations of me. Oftentimes, I’ve put myself on the back burner to make other people comfortable and that can be emotionally exhausting. Especially, when you are ALWAYS giving and rarely receiving. At times I would a carry a silent resentment, because, I was doing all of these things for you (whomever “you” is) and didn’t feel appreciated. It wasn’t until I began my self-love journey that I realized the resentments that I carried wasn’t towards other person, rather, it was towards myself. Because, I ALLOWED myself to entertain relationships or situations that didn’t reflect TRUE WORTH. Also, I tolerated those situations with the hopes something will change, rather than releasing certain people or situations that I outgrew. Unfortunately, I was usually waiting for other person or circumstances to change rather than making a decision. Self-Love taught me and continues to teach me about taking ownership of my life. No longer do I have to “wait” to see change, but, to take the necessary action steps towards the change(s) I want to experience.
Now I’m in a place that I live from an empowered place, and no longer will I give away my power. I’m on the path of success and I do not have to feel ashamed of wanting more out of life,because, it may other people uncomfortable. For way too long I’ve played small and played it safe to maintain the status quo of a mediocre life. Knowingly, that I am designed for more and there is more greatness in me that need to be unleashed. Do I have moments when my “people pleaser” side emerges? YES! However, when that side emerges it’s something I’m aware of to shift my focus back to Self -Love. Giving myself permission to create and live an abundant life in every aspect (financial, emotionally, romantically,spiritually, and etc.) is the key to my happiness… and yours.
Don’t apologize for embracing and embody your GREATNESS, STAND in it, WALK it it, LIVE it out LOUD! Don’t stop SHINING your light to appease others, when you know you are meant to do and BE something great! It is a natural byproduct that relationships dynamics will Shift, for the better or worse. When you choose to walk the path of greatness that cultivates your inner happiness, you are living an AUTHENTIC life. When you dare to live out your greatness, unconsciously, you are giving others permission to do the same. Or… it will make some people uncomfortable, which, triggers their own insecurities and they will project them on to you. The moral of the story is don’t censor your greatness and happiness … Do YOU and be HAPPY!
Most single adults that I have spoken with, seems to be on the brink of losing hope of experiencing a sustainable LOVING relationship. Many are tired of going on endless dates that leads to a dead end, because, it seems like the other person is only interested in “hooking up”. Some are still recovering from a major break up or divorce and still processing their pain. Few of the single parents are ready to explore the possibilities of entering a new LOVE relationship, yet, they feel somewhat immobilized (oftentimes their ex is still in the picture). These are the few common scenarios that I encounter in conversations with these individuals. They hesitate to move forward in LOVE, because, they are afraid of the same outcome – nowhere.
I understand how emotionally exhausting it can be if you are someone who has been single for a long time, and tired of getting on the dating merry-go-rounds ( not so merry); or those in a committed relationship the LOVE may seems a bit lackluster. The LOVE or happiness that you truly desire should not be contingent on someone else. When you learn to cultivate more SELF-LOVE and begin to live more authentically, your new mindset cannot accommodate your old mindset. You start to release old stories you believed about yourself that does not match the new person that you are becoming. Your new mindset will shift your perception on LOVE and relationships.
Just when you were about to give up on LOVE, which, meant you were ready to give up on yourself. The feeling of emotional exhausted is trying to get your attention to look within and stop looking outward for LOVE to feel fulfilled. That emotional unrest is your inner self reaching out to you to go deeper and face your resistance to LOVE. This can feel very uncomfortable, however, this is preparation for a breakthrough where miracles happens. Breakthrough from old love/relationship patterns, self-limited beliefs, or poor boundaries that usually results in self-sabotaging behaviors that keeps you in your comfort zone. Rid the internal barriers by learning to LOVE and accept yourself, which, give yourself permission to be receptive to a romantic LOVE partner that awaits you (or renew the LOVE in an existing relationship).
It’s time to stop waiting for LOVE to arrive and start living your life and thrive. When you begin living your life you’ll notice that you are always surrounded by LOVE. While you maybe waiting on LOVE, LOVE is waiting on you to start LOVING yourself and stop putting your life on hold. Don’t give up on LOVE, because, you can create the greatest LOVE story that begins with YOU!
1) What does giving up on LOVE look like to you? (e.g. a person, relationship, or yourself)
2) What are some of your personal LOVE expectations that are unfulfilled that maybe contributing to the feeling of unsatisfactory in your current LOVE life?
3) When you feel emotionally exhausted, what emotions are triggered? Pay attention to what you currently feeling or happening when you feel emotionally exhausted (e.g. certain thoughts, situation, person, or etc.). Self-awareness is key to help you move forward.