Romance On the Web Posts

ROW: DAY 3 (7/16/14)

Today I updated my profile and it felt good!  I spoke with my friend Cherry and shared about my updated profile, she congratulated me.  Also, I mentioned the minor situation yesterday with Mr. “Houdini”.  Cherry stated that it is not unusual for people to ask for phone number to text/talk.  I stated that I understand, however, it also depends on the person and the context of a situation.  “Mr. Houdini” did not greet himself or initiated to chat online 1st ;he bypassed “common courtesy” protocol and I was not cool.  Cherry was trying to see the best of both sides of the situation.  Also, I think she wanted to make sure that I was keeping an open mind about this online dating process (just my thoughts).   I did share with her that for someone’s 1st time doing this online dating thing, that his approach can seem a bit overwhelming, that’s all.  Cherry understood my perspective and I reminded her that I have to take baby steps.  One thing that I learned, you have to go at your own pace and do what feels comfortable for you.   As long as you reach or fulfill the goals that you set out to accomplish.

I picked up a friend from the airport and we were catching up with each other.   I told her that I started online dating and how my friend Cherry encouraged me to try it.  I told her that I’m trying this for 30 days and see how things unfold.  My friend asked  “Isn’t the goal to find a relationship?  I stated “yes”, however, I see online dating as another venue to meet people.  Of course, I am ready to be in a long-term relationship, however, I’m taking a light approach to the dating “getting my feet wet” by getting to know different people.  I am new to this whole “online dating thing” and after my 30 days experience I can decide to continue or not.  Depending on my experience, if it’s good then I may decide to continue; if it’s not my “cup of tea” then I am finished.  Overall, I do not want to get attach to the result or the outcome. There will be times when I may feel uncomfortable by being stretched out of my comfort zone.  And that’s okay!

I know that many people have their own views, philosophy, approach, and/or style to online dating.  I’m just sharing how I view online dating in my world.  If I connect with someone, I will welcome the opportunity to explore a relationship.  I am enjoying and trusting the process by BEING IN THE MOMENT.  And if along this journey I stumble upon a beautiful treasure in the most unlikely place, I will gladly receive it.  Who knows?!   It may be possible to find someone to share this journey called life with…

Heart Moments

  • If you are new to online dating or contemplating if you should.  Just remember to go at your own pace. As long you meet or fulfill your personal goal that is all that matters.
  • It’s great to have expectations, however, don’t allow yourself to get to attached to the result or outcome.
  • Remember to enjoy and trust the process, be in the moment, and have fun!

*Heart Moments: Are reflections from the heart from the lessons that I learned during my experiences that can serve as tidbit/take-away wisdom as reminders for ourselves.

Romance On the Web Posts

ROW Day 2: 7/15/14

In life you cannot be a spectator watching from the sidelines, there will come a time when you have to participate in this game called LIFE to CREATE the life you want/desire to live” ~ Shana

Ok, this is day 2 doing this online dating thing… now what?  I’m at work now and I cannot check the messages that I have been receiving.  Honestly, it’s a bit overwhelming and slightly intimidating.  After work I will take the time to review the messages and this can be a good place to start.

Now, I’m home and it’s time to turn on my laptop which seems like an impossible task at the moment, lol.   The little butterflies are fluttering inside of my stomach.  Here I go, I’m almost finished typing in my password and there is no turning back Shana (of course there’s a way out, I can shut off my laptop, sorry as I digress).  Now, I am reviewing the messages that I received… and let me log on into the other website.  I think I forgot to mention in the previous blog that my friend Cherry signed me up on 2 dating site, smh (shaking my head), that Cherry is something else I tell you.  Anyhow, I saw a few profiles that sparked my interest and replied to a few.  So far, I prefer this website over the other one, but, it’s still early to dismiss the other dating site.  I have to admit that I was having fun browsing through the profiles and then the butterflies went away.

As I was browsing through profiles I became inspired to adjust my profile. My friend Cherry initially set up my profile, which was somewhat of a template for me. I made a mental note to update my profile by adding my voice, which I’ll do tomorrow. Then I had a moment of quiet introspection about my 30 days journey. Again, I told myself that if I am going to do this, I need to be fully committed to this process despite fears or any insecurity. The only reason I may feel these things because I am doing something new and different and have to make adjustments for this new normal. In the words of Albert Einstein, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

As I continue looking through profiles, I received a message from someone and he asked me to text him my number so we can talk/text.  I don’t know why his request rubbed me the wrong way and I thought to myself… ummmm…NO!  First of all, there’s a difference between being assertive vs. aggressive; and why are you asking me for my number without introducing yourself 1st , chat online 1st, and it’s after 11pm that translates to deal breaker.  Maybe, I was tripping, but, in that moment it triggered something in me that caused an emotional flare up.  Before, I send a reply I was trying to think of a response that would be diplomatic, straight to the point, and yet gentle.  Then I thought to myself, just write!  I think my reply captured the tone and what I wanted to express.  I said something to the notion that I do not feel comfortable giving out my phone number to  I just met (literally) online, however, we can talk online. I guess he didn’t like my reply, because he pulled a “Houdini”, which I’m glad that he made himself disappeared instead of me blocking him. A part of me wanted to re-evaluate my actions and did I do the “right thing”, then I tried not to overanalyze my action and I was at peace with my decision, which is the only thing that matters.

Heart Moments

  • When you try something new, it will or it can feel uncomfortable initially and this is normal.  Think of it as a new shoe that you haven’t fully broken into yet.  The more you wear it, it begins to form your feet that will fit and feel a bit more comfortable walking in it.
  • Don’t be afraid to express your truth (in a respectful way) and try to second guess yourself too much when you make a decision.  People may not like it, but, you cannot get into the habit of being to concern of what others think.  As long as you are at peace with a decision that is what matters.
  • Take some time out to self-reflect on the reason(s) why you do the thing(s) that you desire.  I find in these moments a spark of inspiration or clarity comes forth.

*Heart Moments: Are reflections from the heart from the lessons that I learned during my experiences that can serve as tidbit/take-away wisdom as reminders for ourselves.